July 23, 2010 at 9:29 pm (Uncategorized)

Wolf has given me an essay assignment. I mentioned a few days ago that the only person one can control is oneself, and his response was, “Interesting. I want an essay on that. 500 words. By Friday.”

Yes, Sir.

One can only control oneself.

When I said that I had been instructed to write on this subject, a friend of mine said, “You do see the irony there, don’t you?” And while I understand what he means, I disagree.

There is no irony. I was instructed; I make the choice to comply. I control my own actions.

I’m struggling to find much else to say on the subject. I gave up control, I choose to give up control. I agreed to give up control. It is my responsibility and my duty to honor that agreement each and every time I am given an order. I cannot control Wolf’s actions, Daddy’s actions, Wolf’s mate’s actions, ultimately even my child’s actions, and none of them can control mine. Daddy and Wolf can demand. I have agreed to that, even begged for it. I desperately want to submit.

To honor my agreement, I sometimes must submit (choose to obey) even when I don’t want to. This becomes very obviously a choice. For example:

“Daddy, may I have some chocolate?”

I have choices here. I want the chocolate. Daddy says no. I could whine, cajole, beg and potentially get what I want, but feel bad and insecure because Daddy gave in (or I could get punished for whining, or Daddy could get angry–he has choices, too, you see). I could say, “Okay,” and go eat the chocolate anyway–thus earning a punishment (or, again, anger and harmful arguing, depending on Daddy’s choices). Or I could choose to submit to what Daddy says.

As a parallel–not a converse–it is my duty and responsibility to refuse to submit under harmful circumstances.

“Protect the property.”

This could require that I submit by not submitting. Choices, all round. For instance, I refuse to submit to anger and irrationality. I do not consider that safe. It is harmful. To honor my ultimate agreement–to protect myself–to submit to my Daddy and to honor our contract, sometimes I must refuse to submit. Ideally this is done in some sort of formal manner, but that doesn’t always work out.

Daddy has said that one can only respond to the stimulus the other person is giving, and that if you want a different response you must change your stimulus. Aside from this being circular logic, how one responds remains a choice. If someone says something that upsets me, I have multiple options from which to choose. I could:
A. Say something hurtful in return
B. Walk away
C. Cry
D. Scream and yell
E. Choose to believe that they did not mean to hurt me (or if they did, it is irrelevant for the moment), remain calm and rational, help them calm down, and then fix the problem

Depending on how much I care about the person and how much I care about fixing the problem, I may choose any of those options, no matter what the other person is saying or who it is. I am under my own control.

I am a human being, no matter what I have given up or choose to play at any moment. I have choices. I may not like my choices (eat the chocolate and get punished or don’t eat the chocolate and continue to crave), but I always have them.

I can only control myself. I cannot control others.

Others can only control themselves. They cannot control me unless I choose to be controlled, and I do so love making that choice.

I am a human being. I have choices.

There we go. It’s a bit rambly and probably disjointed and may not have touched on the subjects you wanted, Wolf, but it’s what I can do. I haven’t actually written an essay in about 7 years.


Katie 🙂



  1. Wolf said,

    Solid B+ material. While it was quite “rambly”, the ideas were brought across fairly well. I am impressed.
    Remind me tomorrow to give you a special sticker.


    • littlekatieface said,

      I have a feeling rambly won’t be B+ material if I ever go to school and have to write papers 🙂 Some day I’ll have to learn.

      Thank you, Sir.


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