My time thoughts.

June 12, 2010 at 12:25 am (Uncategorized)

Sitting here in the dark, in my long pink nightgown, listening to the Sisters of Mercy, I have cravings. This is the time of night where time doesn’t matter. Tomorrow doesn’t matter. I can live forever in these hours.

I crave littlespace.
I crave communication.
I crave cuddles.
I crave writing.
I crave a night spent staring at my computer screen, reading and writing and thinking.

I crave ritual, I crave ceremony.

In these hours, everything feels right, and I feel capable. Those moments when I do not want to comply do not matter, and I want everything.

I want ritual, I want routine, but I know that there will always be moments, times, days, when I just don’t feel like it. I want to give Daddy a coming-home ritual, something to remind him that he comes home to his property, comes to a place and a person where he can exert power. But I know that it would be hard for me to do, to always be ready to do something. I want to give my son a bedtime ritual that involves putting his toys away and having a story read to him, but no matter how often I remind myself, I forget one component or another.

Routine is hard.

But it’s getting easier.

I love the idea of “reminder” rituals. Wolf spanked me while I was in the shower tonight, as he was on his way out the door to go pick up slaveboy. He teased me, too, with soft and seductive words in my ear. It’s his reminder to me, reminding me of my place.

Daddy gave me that today, too–blindfolded and instructed, then held down and used while I fought. Claimed. Tamed. It was wonderful, and Daddy seemed so very happy. I want more of that.

I should go to bed now, but I don’t want to. I never want to go to bed in these hours. I want to stay awake and then go to sleep when the world wakes up. The night time causes me much less pain than the day time.

But I cannot serve if I am exhausted. And so I will sleep.

Goodnight 🙂



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