Three in one?

May 20, 2010 at 7:44 pm (Uncategorized)

Contrition

Last night, I was grumpy and out of spoons and tired and just didn’t think I could face doing anything or seeing anyone or dealing with even my family. I asked twice to stay home when the family went out for dinner, but Daddy wouldn’t let me. I was very upset, and scared. I stopped talking and started signing, to conserve spoons, and so I wouldn’t have to engage. I was anticipating being completely out of spoons by the end of the evening, and unable to take the maintenence spanking time I was supposed to have with Wolf, and unable to enjoy my time with Daddy. As it happened, food and family conversation perked me up and I was able to make it through the evening and the night. Daddy took me for the maintenance (6 days worth!) while Wolf and his mate left for coffee and more of their own negotiations and conversations.

The moment this exchange was revealed to me was odd. My immediate thought was relief, because I know how harsh Wolf was going to be, but then I also remembered that Daddy has come home, that this is the old Daddy, from before, and I didn’t know what to expect. So I waited, and didn’t predict, which I think is good for me.

Daddy was, I think, easier on me than Wolf would have been, in the end. Wolf asked me today if I thought the 6 days had been made up for, and my response was that that wasn’t for me to decide. He seemed surprised, but agreed. Hopefully that was a test passed 🙂

Transitions Part II

Wolf’s mate is no longer “Ma’am” in my mind. We haven’t played in that way in a long time. This is why she hasn’t been referred to that way in this blog in a long time. This is a necessary transition, for my world and for hers. She is growing, too, in her submission and in her life. Thus, she needs a new name here. I have suggestions:

Athaithne – renewal
Rena – reborn/rebirth
Alana – awakening

Thoughts, Wolf, please?

Red/Yellow/Green

I’ve been told to write a red/yellow/green list. This is difficult for me to do in anything other than broad concepts. To do a detailed list, I may need more guidance. And I view anything that falls under yellow as something that will get pushed until it’s either red or green, per Daddy’s or Wolf’s desires.

I greatly enjoy being forced, but it’s hard to find something that I don’t want to do if it’s what those above me want. So to truly force me, it has to be something that I don’t like–like swallowing cum. At the moment, I desperately want to be forced to do that, because it’s not something I like.

Hey, it doesn’t have to make sense, right?

Anyway.

Red – Harm. It is my responsibility to state what is harmful when I think of it or when it comes up. The only thing that comes to mind at this moment is punching my breasts–there are lactation mechanisms in there that could burst, which would hurt like absolute fuck, and also could become infected. Which could kill me.
Yellow – ? Not right right now.
Green – Heh… lots of things. Age play, spanking, flogging, restrictions, being ordered around…

I’m honestly not trying to slack on this assignment, I’m just not sure how to do it satisfactorally. Sigh.

This might be easier if I find a BDSM checklist and go through that.

Katie

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