Control

February 6, 2010 at 10:05 am (Uncategorized)

I’ve been reading this series of posts over at A Virtuous Woman, which may seem like a strange source of information for me, but I believe in getting help wherever help is available. The goal is to feel and show more respect for Daddy, to choose respect. I have every reason to respect him, yet I find myself nagging and trying to control, and whining, and rolling my eyes. And that’s not okay. At least, it’s not okay with me.

The problem I have is, in the back of my head right now is the little voice saying, "But he needs to listen to the baby more, and how can you not nag when it takes ten tries to get his attention or get him to come to the table for dinner? Didn’t he start taking a shower every day because of you? You can teach, help, instruct, successfully."

Sigh.

It’s that voice that needs to go.

On the other hand, maybe if I offered a blowjob every time Daddy were to come to the table the first time I call for dinner being ready, it’d be easier 🙂 (That’s what happened with the showers.)

But that’s not right either. Arg. See, no matter how much I WANT to submit, want to give up my control… I fight it. I fight so hard. I want things my way. Especially when it has to do with the baby. And for those things, I think it’s really important (how’s he supposed to learn to communicate if he’s not listened to?). But but but.

I’m going to start crying in a minute.

I think what it comes down to is, I either want Daddy to respect me and the baby enough to actually listen to us and respond, or I want him to tell me to stop expecting things my way.

But that’s still getting things my way!

Arrrrrrg!

I’m trying to change. I really am.

I love you, Daddy. Thank you for my life.

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