A letter and some thoughts.

February 4, 2010 at 11:43 pm (Uncategorized)

Daddy,

I want to be more respectful, better able to accept what you say/decide/do, you want that too (I think?), but you won’t deal with it when it happens. I need help.

I’m begging for help.

Please teach me, guide me, help me do better.

I need you to stay strong, I need you to be able to face problems big and small without thinking that you suck. Take responsibility, not blame.

I want to follow but that doesn’t mean it comes easily to me.

I am a bossy little girl and a know-it-all old lady.

Please remind me of my responsibility.

Katie

* * *

Things are so up-and-down and roller-coastery right now. We’re trying to get an appointment with a psychologist who is BDSM-friendly, hopefully to find help for both of us. The foundation of our relationship, for me, is trembling right now. And that scares me and that’s not how I want it to be.

And without that foundation, this whole thing–this dynamic–won’t work.

On the other hand, maybe I’m looking at that wrong. From the BDSM perspective, people usually try to make sure the vanilla foundation of the relationship is working before adding in any power exchange.

But from the Domestic Discipline, "TTWD" perspective, what I’ve seen so far has been… this IS the foundation of the relationship. This is what SAVES some relationships.

I don’t mean that to be grasping at straws or something. I just mean… there seem to be two different ways of looking at power exchange; one as an add-on to a relationship, and one as the basis of a relationship.

Not really sure what else to write. I’m going to keep reading and writing and trying to learn to listen to Daddy.

Maybe I’ll ask Big Brother for some book recommendations on communication. Although I should finish his last recommendation first (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus).

Right now, I will finish Erotic Slavehood, and I just picked up The Surrendered Wife. I’m looking forward to reading that.

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2 Comments

  1. Sara said,

    Katie, personally, I really don’t think Dd can be the foundation of a relationship. I see it as a a tool. The love and basic respect has to be there first, ready to grow and be enhanced with Dd, or whatever tools you choose. For me, the respect has to be mutual. You wrote in your next post above about not feeling respected, as an example when you have to call 10 times for him to come to dinner. If that is a true sign of disrespect on his part, I would say you have a problem. If it is from some other source, then talk to him. Does he feel it is acceptable for you to need to be called 10 times? Does he feel it is acceptable for him to need to be called 10 times? Does he have ADD? Does he need a 15 min warning before dinner is ready? When we understand what is underneath the behavior and then discuss it, it is easier for us to figure out how to resolve a conflict that occurs because of it.

  2. littlekatieface said,

    Sara,

    I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to this. There was so much snow here, and so much fighting, and so much growing, and so much chaos and change. And it’s been scary and big and bad and wonderful and good, all at the same time.

    Somewhere in all of that, I’ve lost track of what I was feeling when I made this post originally, and the thing about dinner seems awfully small. I mean I’m sure it will still irritate me when it happens, but right now Ma’am is in the house and she’s the one who makes dinner, and I’m trying to let go of a lot of things…

    That said, I like your approach. The list of questions. Daddy and I both have some ADD symptoms, but nothing diagnosed. As for the rest of the questions… I’m going to try to remember them, and alter them depending on the situation, when I’m getting frustrated. Thank you for that.

    Thank you, too, for your opinions on foundation. Your words make a lot of sense.

    Katie

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