Is this post too cryptic? Sorry. Maybe I’ll fix it later.

January 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm (Uncategorized)

Things are getting better. Things were hard and scary and weird for a while, weeks, off and on, before I started this journal.

Then we made some decisions and some promises, and this journal got started, and was given protocol. And things have been getting better.

Yeah, I’m being repetitive. Sorry, this post is going to have to be stream of consciousness.

Anyway, getting better: Take tonight, for example.

I was cranky and tense and in pain, and really just in need of a good hard cry. And Daddy gathered me into his arms and let me cry, petted me and told me things would be okay, over and over and over. Even when I complained and whined. Even when some (one? I think only one, tonight) of those things were about him.

And then he found the things that would turn me on, and turn him on, and then he fucked me for an hour, even when some of my anxiety would come back and I’d start crying again. And it was all wonderful and amazing and awesome and exactly what I needed. I feel so much more sane right now.

And then he tucked me in and made confused faces when I tried to explain that I felt like a bad girl for staying up till past 2am yesterday, even though he told me I didn’t have to get up with his alarm in the morning, that I could sleep in. Meaning, he wanted me to get enough sleep. And I didn’t respect that. Well, part of the time I was comforting Ma’am through some drama, but mostly I was just reading and playing word games.

So, finally, after my convoluted explanation, Daddy said, "Don’t do it again."

Okay, Daddy. I’ll try. Thank you for not getting angry with me, thank you for your patience. I love you.

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